Unspoken Conversations of A Black Woman: Fathers

Recently, I attended a National Council of Negro Women (NCNW) meeting where we discussed how family structure is so important and how it impacts us throughout life. When it comes to black families, especially, family structure plays a crucial role in how we act, our relationships with others, and our mindsets. Some parents may not realize, but their actions may impact their children for a lifetime and beyond.

During the NCNW meeting, I noticed a trend with the black women who chose to share their stories. Most who shared indicated that they came from a single mother household. Most also mentioned how they were really close with their mother and could tell their mothers almost anything. On the other hand, a majority described how they either don't know their father, don't really talk to their father, or bump heads with their father on a daily basis. The common denominator is that the fathers seem to be withdrawn from or very hard on their daughters. As someone who comes from a single mother household, I can personally identify with this struggle.

Coming from a single-parent household was tough, but my mother always instilled great values in my siblings and I. My father wasn't really in the picture and I will say that it had an impact on me in terms of how I felt about myself and how I saw men in general. I always wondered what it was about me that drove him away. I struggled with that for years, but I ultimately had to realize that it was not my fault. My father not really being in my life still impacts me, but I've learned that my father in heaven will always be here for me.

The absence of a father in a black woman's life can lead to multiple issues with self-esteem, self-worth, and even relationships with others. Your father is supposed to be the first man in your life, but if he is not there or constantly criticizes you, you may distance yourself from him and even see men in a different light. You'll be left trying to fill that void of emptiness in your life with things you don't even need, such as bad relationships and drugs. The relationship a black woman has with her father can have a major impact on her down the line.

It seems like a lot of people in the black community come from single parent households. It also seems like some black women have issues with their father. This issue doesn’t just affect the individual, it affects the community. Somebody has to break the cycle. Somebody has to start making a change. Somebody has to start developing better habits for their bloodline. The change starts with us, the change starts now.

How are you working towards a change for the better for your family?

Embrace Your Unique!

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